black Friday, indeed

Well, I feel like I should say something here, but I don't really know what to say, so bear with me for a minute...

My dad has never been so nice to me, but he's my dad and he's kind of all I had left and so I tolerated his crap in the spirit of holding on with a death grip to a parental figure of any kind. Last year, my brother and I went to see his band play and he, well, he crossed the line he had been jumping on for a few years. He was, in a word, atrocious. I left the bar and that was that.

365 days later, not one phone call, not one email, nothing. Not a word before I moved away, not a word after I came back, not a note on the baby's first birthday, nothing. His wife did call on B's birthday, but that call came 30 days after she completely ignored T's birthday, and his wife is a trampy bitch whore anyway, so I never felt the need to return the call.

Most days I don't even think about him. Today I did, all day long I did. Funny how much I can miss him, knowing that he is just an awful person and that I am sooo very much better off without him. It just gets hard sometimes to have both parents gone, when both parents are actually quite alive and well, just choosing to stay gone. It makes a girl feel small sometimes.

I did things to distract myself today. There was in-law Thanksgiving, which ended up going much more smoothly than I could have hoped, even though I got a lot of "poor her" looks and "anything we can do" comments that just make me feel pathetic. I went to a movie, a good movie. But I think I feel worse now. I think maybe I should have just skipped all that and headed to the bar down the street, the bar with the really good jukebox, and had some shots and giggled with strangers instead.

Giggling sometimes makes everything all better. It sure does make it easier for a girl to miss her daddy.