Dear Mr. Bush,

On your great country's birthday, I would like to offer you a bit of advice. I know you and your boys are fond of your Guantanamo Bay-Koran flushing-nudie pictures-name leaking-robbing people blind sort of torturous bad behavior, but allow me to help you out here. All you have to do to these people is force them to make a 3 hour international flight, complete with the hour on each side it takes to get through security and customs, all alone with twelve bags, two skateboards, one stroller and three hungry, tired, crabby children, one of which who still poops in her pants, give all four of them only 3 seats in coach on a full plane and insist that that one adult keep all three kids quiet and happy and all the crayons, soda cans, pretzels, baby wipes, cameras and gameboys contained in the tiny little row allocated. Not only is this legal, but I think it would be more effective than even making them sit through a whole Ashley Simpson album would be. Kill them if they fail.

If they are still alive and/or sane on the other side, you might want to consider granting clemency.

Oh, and happy birthday.