pluto in da' hiz'zouse

Or not.

I am afraid to read my horoscope. Who will I blame for mob-violence? What will be responsible for wiping our slates clean? What mystic force will govern the influences on generations to come?

Clearly not our dear old friend Pluto.

No, not THAT Pluto, dummy. The other warm, fuzzy, adorable Pluto.

Some "facts"on Pluto:

If you are old enough for me to make out with you, your Pluto is in Libra. This just means that your Pluto, and my Pluto, and his Pluto are all conspiring to bring about harmony and justice. And also unforseen chaos. Pluto has been simutaniously blamed for ending the Vietnam war and for beginning the War On Terror. If you need that in easier, bite-sizes terms, Pluto can be held responsible for keeping me married while at the same time inciting me me kill this motherfucker. Two-faced, that's out friend Pluto.

If you are just old enough for me to have a torrid love affair with or borrow cash from your retirement fund from, your Pluto has been in Virgo. This just means that your Pluto has put you to work, organizing, labeling and shredding papers. Your Pluto wants you to be perfect but wants to find fault with you while you try. Your Pluto is also probably pretty sexy. All Virgos are pretty sexy.

If you are old enough to know better, your Pluto has been in Leo. Your Pluto is better than everyone else's Pluto. It is great in bed.

And that's it. Before that, Pluto spent a little time in Cancer and before THAT Pluto was not a planet. Oh, wait, Pluto is still not a planet. Shit.