And after 19 long years of reproductivity, of mature womanhood, I have but one thing to say:
This shit still motherfucking sucks. I have a goddamn inner-tube of pain. Grrrr.
But, being National Compliment Day, I will be cheery and nice while I eat a whole carton of Bon Bons and chase it with a bag of the saltiest chips money can buy.
Wow, you are totally awesome. You are so funny and witty and nice. Did I mention cute? Dude, you are way smoking. The pants make you ass look fantastic! Did you do something different with your hair? New pomade? Are those highlights going on in there? Whatever it is, keep doing it for sure. You don't look a day over 28, seriously! And that thing you said the other day? Sheer poetry. You simply blow my mind. How did I ever get so lucky as to have you for a friend?
*Yes, I actually busted out a calculator for this post. Sad, isn't it? Any hobby suggestions?