The only thing I'm willing to quit is quitting

I hate quitting. Anything. Smoking, doubly so.

It's not that it's oh so terribly hard for me to quit; in fact, I cold-turkey quit every single time I've ever done it. All 6 times or so. OK, maybe that I've had to re-quit 6 times or so means it's an eencey bit harder than I'm willing to admit. It's just that I like smoking and it's the one grown up thing I get to do every day.

Somebody asked why I quit. I don't really know, exactly. There are a few reasons.

One is that I am a cheap cheap bastard and when I look at the monthly budget and realize we spend more on cigarettes every month than we do our groceries, well, I take issue with that. Smoking is more expensive than crack here.

Another reason is that I have been going to the doctor, kind of a lot, because I am fairly sure something is significantly wrong with me. After throwing around a bunch of large, uncomfortable words and scanning/poking/prodding every inch of me, it turns out that I'm just fine except for my red blood cell count, which happens to be ridiculously high. How does one fix that? One quits smoking, that's how. As for the rest of my health issues, whether they exist on paper or not, I know they're there and now I'm left to find a dietary cause. Step one, cut out the meat. Meat makes me want to smoke. May as well cut them both at the same time, eh?

An even better reason is that my friend is battling cancer within her family right now, and she's about to quit, and I thought it would be a friendly gesture to quit with her.

The biggest reason of all, though, is that my kids are old enough to know better. I am sick of hearing, "Mom, you smell like cigarettes," and, "Eww, mom, you're gross," and the cold, flat, mono-tone, "You're going to die, you know." I promised them I'd quit, a year ago, and it's time to make good on that. 1of3 told he he'd stop biting his nails if I stopped smoking. If that's not incentive, I don't know what is.

And so, with all of this in mind, yesterday I just let myself run out of cigarettes. I figured if it got awful, I could always run out for more. It didn't get awful. It got a little hairy this morning, and I cheated a little this morning, but I am totally ok with a little cheating here and there. It's not like I really want to quit, it's just that I know I should. And I am. And I will.