I mean, I just started getting the hang of the internet
. I finally get
it. I understand that our alien overlords have dug, deep into the soil of this earth, a complex system of tubes and wires and through this we can all stay connected. I can finally almost visualize those near-invisible strands of fiber-optic cable that stretch
, letting me talk to you while you drink a cold Coors 16 ouncer
and I stand in line for hours at the Kwik-E-Mart
. I realized that Steve Jobs and Bill Gates took a 70/30 split of all the hospital nurseries in the world and have systematically implanted little earwigs in our tiny brains during what they like to call the "hearing tests"
administered in the hospital at all our births,