I didn't celebrate holidays when I was little, so when I had kids, I didn't really know how to do the whole "mythically endearing lies" thing. Because of this, I did what any self-respecting mother would do; I made a bunch of shit up.
When a tooth is lost in our house, we all go outside after our jammies are on, find a star and make a wish on it. It goes something like this:
First star I see tonight;
I wish I may, I wish I might
Have this wish I wish tonight.
(and then you look at your star and everyone in the family says:)
I wish the tooth fairy would come and take my/my brother's tooth tonight!
Cheesy, yes. But they love it. It's kind of a big deal around here. No one EVER misses making a wish to the tooth fairy. So tonight, when we stood outside and wished for her to come get 2of3's tooth, I was honestly a little shocked that I had to elbow 1of3 to get him to wish with us. He gave me some shitty little tweeny grin, and got with the program.
Tonight, I was tucking 2of3 in and we made sure the tooth was all snug in it's place, when he said to me, "1of3 said there isn't a tooth fairy."
Oh, I'm going to kill that motherfucker.
"Reeeeeeealy. What ELSE did he say?"
"He said that it was YOU GUYS."
He is grounded until he retires.
"Tell me, why does he think that?"
"He said that he found a box full of TEETH."
Which is totally creepy in a serial killer trophy sort of way, yes.
"Well, remember how you wanted to go to the corner store today and I had NO MONEY? "
"And do you expect a $5 bill under your pillow in the morning?"
"Do I have a $5 bill?"
"So, I guess there really IS a tooth fairy!"
And the clouds parted, and the angels sang. And then I marched my ass downstairs.
"Son, tell me about this Tooth Fairy thing."
"Maaaawm. I'm not dumb. I know it's you."
"I was looking for my GameBoy, and I found a box that had ALL of my old teeth in it."
Goddamn sonofabitch stupid fucking box I should have hid with the cleaning supplies. He'd NEVER have looked THERE.
"Well," I chocked, "well, son. You know I don't have any money right now, so when there is a $5 bill under your brother's pillow tomorrow, you're going to feel mighty dumb, aren't you?"
"Did it ever occur to you that I have a DEAL with the tooth fairy? That I love every one of those little baby teeth, and that we worked out an arrangement?"
"Well, maybe you should think before you start saying things like that, Mr I Currently Have 2 Loose Teeth."
"That's all you had to say, MAAAAWM. You have an arrangement. That's fine."
"While we're at it, what else do you suddenly NOT believe in?"
"I believe in everything except the tooth fairy and the sandman. I know there's a Santa, because you NEVER have any money. There's no way you could buy all those presents."
"Good. You just make sure it stays that way."
And then that little boy gave me a wink. One of those knowing, almost evil sort of winks that I can't quite figure out. It's almost over, isn't it?