Which Do You Want First?

I totally keep forgetting to mention: I randomized that perfume contest, because you people are all too funny, and Secret Agent Mama's number got picked. Congrats, baby. And RAWR.

The good news: I'm clearly doing something right.


This is my daughter's plant.  I bought that and killed that for her over the summer.  She loves it.  She waters it and talks to it and moves it around the house to make sure it gets maximum sunlight.


The other day, when I was douching the living room, I tossed it in the trash when she wasn't looking.  About an hour later, she comes to me with the pot in one hand, the plant in the other, shmuck all over the front of her from digging through the trash, and with big, green eyes began the following conversation:


"Momma, what you DO?"  Honey, I threw that in the trash.  It's dead, baby.


"Momma, you say you sorry me."  Um, sorry?


"What you sorry for, momma?"  *taps toe on floor*  I'm sorry I threw your plant in the trash, baby.


"Dat's okay momma.  You fix it."


So, yeah, I wiped the old coffee grounds and yucky trash off of the plant, dug a little hole in the soil, crammed the old, broken off, dead as a doorknob plant into that hole, and put her plant back up with the others.


The point?  Though my child has never actually uttered I'm and Sorry in the same sentence, she clearly gets the concept.  Score one for me.


The bad news: That may be the only thing I've done right.


We're parking at the mall the other night, on our way to IHop and then to do some shopping, and as I park the car the kids have hit the peak of their messing with each other in the backseat.  The boys are screaming Stop Touching Me and AAAAAAHHHH and 3of3 pipes in, "You shut you fucking you moufs!"


Me: Um, what?


1of3:  *snort*


2of3: Did you HEAR that, mom?


3of3: You shut you fucking you MOUF, 2of3!


Me: WHERE DID SHE HEAR THAT?


1of3: You?


2of3: Mom, that's not all.  She calls Niblow "That EFFING Gerbil", too.


Me: *sinks into deep whole and dies* *gets kids out of car*


3of3: Fucking gerbil!  Fucking gerbil!  Fucking gerbil!


(How many Richard Gere hits do you think I'll get?  Bets happily accepted)


I swear with God as my witness, I have never ever told her to shut her fucking mouth.  Never.  EVER.  Still, I am SO TOTALLY HOSED OVER HERE.  Unless my kid is going to grow up to be a longshoreman, I need to fix this.  Immediately.  So I've started saying beautiful every time I think I might want to say f'ing.  Which?  Is really hilarious in application.  And it's working so far.


And I'm not sure if it was just that one day or forever, but there's a good chance we are banned from IHop for the rest of ours lives.