Oops, I did it again.

American Idol, man. It's killing me over here.

David Archuleta is not old enough, sexy enough, clever enough or broken enough to sing And So It Goes. THIS is exactly why I hate Michael Bubblytoes or whoever the fuck he is. STOP. KILLING. GOOD. SONGS. George Michael is out of your league, and Billy Joel sure-the-hell is out of everyone's league. He's out of Billy Joel's league anymore. (This song and me have some history, can you tell?)

Creepy aside: Did Paula say she wanted to exploit David's something? She's gotta stop huffing the Aquanet. He's TWELVE, dude.

Syesha Mercado is singing Alicia Keys because Randy asked her to, after he's spent 5 seasons telling people to stop bothering trying to sing Alicia, Whitney or Kelly Clarkson. Randy clearly hates Syesha and wants her to lose. Maybe so he can get David into the New New Kids on the Block. First album? Not Hangin' Just Yet.

Ouchie aside: Go look. You know you wanna. The caption on his Facebook pictures says, "The 3:36pm model has significantly less trunk space than the 3:45pm model." Now you have to look.

David Cook just got podiddled in the humnashmurna by Simon. Awesome. (I think he's gonna rock it.) The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face is a great song, and I don't care who says what. I wish he's sang it A Capella; I think that would have been his Bo Bice moment, but I think I'd still let him see my boobies.

I like to make up words aside: Really, do I have to translate that?

Dear David Archuleta: You may not use Prime Time TV to audition for the Gay Christian Pop Rockers Kidz Bop. Or Up With People. Thank you. Signed, the Not 8-16 year old demographic.

Message for you, sir aside: Ted Haggard called for you, David. He'd like to schedule an appointment with you. ASAP.

Syesha Mercado is doing what? Singing Fever? Now, David Cook could've Torn That Shit Up, but she was just meh. Nice legs though. VERY nice legs.

David Cook is up again (and his hair gets better every show, don't you think? Also, puuuuuuur) with some song I don't know (which is hard to pull of, yo) and might not win American Idol, but is going to be David Archuleta's first single on the Gay Christian Pop Rockers Kidz Bop album coming out for Christmas next year.

Clarification aside: I have nothing, at all, against gay people, christian people, rockers, kids or bop. Well, maybe a little something against bop.

David Archuleta is on my shit list, officially. What the fuck? Didn't Dan die? Couldn't they have buried Longer with him?

*ahem* aside: Dear god, will some contestant please sing the phone book already? Just to make the judges stop saying it? I would pay you, dawg.

Syesha Mercado makes unfortunate song choices, but excellent brassiere choices.

Neurotic aside: Black jeans make my skin crawl. ON EVERYONE. So do shorts. Just sayin'.

David Cook is covering Aerosmith's I Don't Want To Miss A Thing. I will marry and have tiny little babies with the first person who shows up at my house with an actual, vintage Aerosmith tshirt. It's the ONE thing I want before I die. That said, David has and could have done much better with this song. And that makes me cry a little inside.

Whaaa? aside: Paula's crack kicked in halfway through the show. She went from zero to EEEEKKKKSHREEEEEEKKKMUMBLE in less than 60. Impressive.

Kindly linked by the Unsinkable Zombyboy and Laskigal.