Um, we don't have any books written by Homer Simpson.
Yes huh, right here. It's called the Ode-whys-easy?
The Odyssey? You want to read Homer's The Odyssey?
Hold on just a minute, okay?
(Emails the only person I know who's ever bothered to actually read that book)
(Gets no response)
(Takes matters into my own hands)
Sure, you can read it. You can read anything on my shelf. But first, get your coat.
And just like that, they had a brand new present and no one had to wrap their brains around some 8th century b.c. poem written in Ionic Greek.
*But now I kind of want to.
**Yes, the other kid has a huge hole in his pants. He's 10; he makes his own fashion mistakes now.
***I'm fully aware I could have just thrown O Brother on.