Stifler's Mom

I have this deal with my kids that I'll only help out in their classrooms once each year.  We do this because if I so much as walk into 2of3's classroom, he has to stop what he's doing and sit in my lap and tell everyone in earshot THIS IS MY MOM! and then nothing gets done.  If I so much as walk into 1of3's classroom, he spends the entire time calling me Ms Shannon and pretending he doesn't know me and it makes my uterus die a little.

Snce elementary school classrooms are disgusting and smell funny (you know it's true) what I do is chaperone one field trip per kid per year.  I try to pick the fun ones, the outdoor ones, the ones that will allow 2of3 to hang all over me and 1of3 to deny my existence if the need be.  I usually space these out over the school year.  I also usually do them on The Donor's day off so I'm not dragging a screaming 3 year old behind me the whole time.

Usually.

Apparently I forgot all the rules of field-trip engagement, because while the computer was broken I signed up for two (2) field trips within one (1) week of each other when The Donor had zero (0) days off and we had to drive or walk multiple (x) miles.  In case abstract math isn't your strong point, that equals twitching.  Nothing that a Xanex and an SOS pad won't cure with time, but still.

First up, High School.  We walked 50 eight and nine year olds downhill a few miles, through traffic, to high school to see the beginnings of a totem pole.  And then walked them back up.

Hover for descriptions; click to enlarge


That's a LOT of kids to lose.  Escort.  I meant escort.


It's big, it's hard, it's wood.Really.  Interesting.  Yeah, right.Look!  I'm on a totem pole!High school lunch tastes more rebellious.Beginnings of a totem polePretty sure we started with way more kids.



And because that wasn't enough, I turned around and took 60 nine to eleven year olds to Science World. With the three year old. For six hours.

What?  That's the only thing I noticed anyway.


A shocking experience.Ghost in the machineBuilding bridgesIn between feeding them and getting our eyes gouged out by them.That is a car.  Made entirely from Legos.  And someone else's kid in it.Peek a boo!



And now I've fulfilled my contractual obligations to my kids for the year and 1of3 really hates me because one of the kids I drove really seemed to like the Weezer on the radio, really seemed to appreciate the cash I lent him for the gift shop toy, and really seems to have a crush on me now.