Conundrum

The whole to be continued thing is going to have to wait, because there are more pressing issues at hand right now, issues like Father's Day, which is right around the corner.

My husband has wanted an iPad since it was nothing more than a twinkle in Steve Job's eye. I honestly don't get why he wants one so badly; for as much of an Apple Completionist* as I am, the iPads just don't do it for me. They're, um, too big? I think that's my problem. They're so big, and don't get me wrong, I really like things that are big but there are just times in life when you don't need it to hit bottom, just bang the shit out of the sides.

And so, I don't really care too much about the iPads. My husband, however, does. A lot. And for as much as I morally and financially object to paying that sum of money for a more vibrant Tap Defense experience, the man doesn't really ask for much and what he does ask for, he just buys himself. And him walking in the door with a brand new iPad would just completely torque me, but I know he will eventually, especially since his beloved Nook just cracked and now he doesn't know how he'll ever read anything ever again.

Someone should really invent a place that houses numerous books on several different subject matters and lets you borrow them on occasion. But I suppose that would just be the gateway to socialism or something.

My point is that I know the iPad is going to show up here eventually, and so it makes sense that I save myself the whole 'flaming angerball' thing, which isn't a good look on anyone, and buy him one for Father's Day. Except he's since informed me that he wants to hold out for the next edition of it, because everyone knows that the first version of anything is far inferior to the subsequent releases.

Which totally explains Passover. Bygones.

So now I have three days to come up with something else to get him for Father's Day, which I already find slightly annoying because aren't every one of our children birthdays Father's and Mother's Days? But I cave every year and get him something because the guy really does work his freaking tail off to keep us in food and clothes and the History Channel and his work schedule is such that he doesn't actually get to be Father a whole hell of a lot, which totally sucks for him, yet he presses on anyway. Because he's a good guy. And he deserves at least a token Hallmark holiday gift for his efforts.

But he has every gadget known to man, and I swear with god as my witness, if one more golf club crosses my doorstep, it's going to end up lodged in someone's hind quarters. I could get him a nice bottle of wine, or a case of his favorite beer, but then I'll have to listen to Cat Stevens on repeat for as long as it takes him to sober up.

I could, in theory, give him the free present that I'm currently sitting on, but that seems a little redundant, and slightly short-sighted. Commemorating something by re-enacting how you got into that mess in the first place? Has some serious back-fire potential. I mean, really. Nothing says, "Congratulations on the anniversary of your college graduation!" like a super awesome thesis writing party and what better way to say, "I'm so happy you were born 37 year ago today!" than covering him in slime and pushing him through tunnels at Chuck E Cheese.

And so I'm probably going to buy him the iPad, which will be super awesome and he'll love it until the next iPad comes out, and then he'll buy that and I'll be stuck for the rest of eternity trying to pry my children apart from each other as they battle to the pain over who gets dad's hand me downs while it ends up being a chew toy for the puppy.

Which would be a vast improvement over her current chew toy, which I am, at present, sitting on. Which, ohmygodsomuchouch.

*Schadenfreudett, that Bud is so totally for you.