That just happened #shakenbake

I know it's kind of bassackwards to spend days redesigning a blog when I can't devote minutes to posting on one, but I'm really dyslexic and excessively blonde and really, you cook better when the kitchen is clean. You [redacted] better right after a wax. That mint julip is never more delicious than right after the lawn dudes leave.

I officially have so many posts floating around in my brain that I don't know where to start. It's been almost a month, again, and I am ashamed.

But I'm not above buying forgiveness.

Since I'm on Squarespace now (again) (turns out, you can go home) I won't be needing the Thesis template* I bought and failed in every way to use a year or two ago, (gave it to Ninjamatics) (this benefits everyone) nor will I need this neato Themeforest one I've been sitting on for a while.

Since it's Father's Day, and since I'll be speaking on a panel at Type A Parent on friday talking about parent bloggers working with each other for the greater good, I suppose it's only fair to hook a brotha up.

So, want a new template, boys? Leave a comment. Tell us the worst thing your father ever told you because he was bored/drunk/just totally fucked in the head that you have, or most likely will, tell your kids/friend's kids/nieces and nephews/some random small person you meet on the street.

I'll go first. My dad shared with me, like, two useful bits of information other than "When in doubt, always go with Marantz" my entire life. The first, which he passed onto me at around age four, was, "All good girls swallow." TOTALLY thought he was talking about broccoli.

So, last night we're having dinner in my friend Bri's section and she's talking about maybe having a kid someday and she's, like, 15 so I was all like, "DUDE, two words. Swal. Low." and then my 5 year old was like, "Yeah, Bri-Bri, swallow except if it's gum because then you get a tummy crab and...." and with that, I am the worst mother ever. My father would be so proud.

*Sucks. I was really looking forward to being a cult member again. Dag.

Oh, and if you must have a real Father's Day post, here you go.