for the love of god & all that's holy....

Can I call names? Please????

This idiot (there, I feel better. I won't do it again) who caught my post on the 13 year old had this to say about me...
"I’ve never been young and pregnant, so I cannot completely relate, but this sentence basically says to me “I abandoned what I believed was right when it became inconvenient for me,” "

OK chump, lets go....

I was very very christian for a very very long time. I was severely abused and told by my mother and my church that I needed to honor my father and mother, shut up and take it. Not too convenient for me. But I took it. For 17 years.

I so so radical christian that I was ostracized by my school classmates for being so different. I actually respected adults and behaved well. All I cared about was pleasing the lord. So I got the shit kicked out of me on a pretty regular basis. Not too convenient for me, but did I abandon my faith? Oh no. I stuck to it. And kept trying to save others.

I was so in love with the lord that every spare moment of my childhood went to him. There were no extra-curricular activities. I never spent a minute outside of school with a non-christian, and the christians I hung out with I was trying to make more christian. Not real convenient for me or my social life, but I stuck with it.

I refused several offers for college because I was going to dedicate my life to the service of god and his will. Now I'm a pretty smart girl, and could've gone to a great college. Maybe I could have actually had a career. But I couldn't imagine pursuing such earthly interests when god needed me. Not to convenient, but I did what was right.

I could go on, but I hate to air such personal laundry.

You want to assume that we non-christians are so fickle that our convictions are subject to our moods? Maybe you should check your facts first.

I don't run around saying that you christians are incapable of coping with life on your own. I don't call your faith a crutch. I don't say a lot of things I'd like to about christians. Because why you're a christian is none of my damn business, and I respect your right to an opinion.

If you ask why I'd take all that shit for so long, I reply with 1 Corinthians 10:13.
And yes, god is not in capitals.
I don't capitalize the name of fictional characters.

I was supposed to start college in the fall.

That's not going to happen now.

I am willing to work 2 or 3 nights a week at the bar (I have a job, did I ever mention that?) but I strongly feel the need to be around for the kids non-school years. Yet I am still thinking about what I'd like to go to school for. Here are my interests:
  1. Social Work. Or at risk child work. Specifically with deaf children. This goes back directly to my childhood-living in an abusive home, being on welfare, having a deaf sister, dealing with the shitty system...
  2. Something else in sign language. Something involving "the greater good" preferably.
  3. Profiling serial killers. Hey, we all have a dream.
  4. Teaching high school English. Include in that running a drama department. I know this is shocking considering my consistent lack of punctuation and capitalization, but I actually know more than you'd think.
  5. Teaching 7th grade English. Don't ask me why. I couldn't really answer you. I just think it's a really important age to have a great teacher. I had a great 7th grade English teacher. He saved my life.
  6. Cutting hair. I know, I know....I just really love it. And I ain't half bad.
  7. Culinary school. My concern with that is that I love love love to cook, and I'm really freakin' good already, and when your passion becomes your job, sometimes the passion fades. It's the only hobby I have left.
  8. Carpentry. When I have the means and the time, my garage will become a woodshop. I will hand-craft peculiar coffee tables. I have lots of designs already.

Is there a profession that combines all of these?

School Stuff

3of3 was tested for reading yesterday. I should mention that he started first grade barely reading at all. Today he is reading at a level 30. For those, like me, who don't understand that, it means he's reading at the level he should be at the end of second grade.

He's at the end of first.

I fully credit his teacher with this. Yes, we work on it at home. Yes, his father and I are bookworms. But she has instilled in him the love of reading. She has nurtured him, and all of his classmates. She rocks. Incidentally, I'd be saying this even if he wasn't doing so well. I really admire her. She is an amazing woman.

2of3's teacher pulled me aside to tell me a "funny story" today. They were doing some work and his classmate Cate said, "I know who I'm going to marry." (She's been in love with my 1of3 since the beginning of the school year.) The kids prodded and she said "1of3!. This is what I thought was the funny story. Oh, no. I guess this opened a talk amongst the kids about marriage, the you can't marry your mom or you sister or brother kind of talk. One of the kids said, "Boys can't marry boys." My 2of3 pipes up and says, "Yes they can!" One of the other kids starts to argue it with him and he says "Oh yes they CAN!"

The teacher was "amused" that my 5 year old was so versed in gay marriage, and asked if he was still friendly with the gay man that lives in an apartment upstairs from us. "Could he be influencing 2of3?" she asked.

That would be where my head exploded.

I was speechless. I assured her that yes, we are all still friends, and my husband and I have many other gay friends. My sister, 2of3's auntie, is in a committed relationship with a woman as well. I explained that we have a very open dialogue about different family dynamics in our home. And then I told her how proud I was of 2of3 for not wavering. He stuck by what he thought, though his classmates disagreed.

And she was shocked that I was ok with this. I did apologize for my son bringing up a clearly sensitive subject in class. I think that's all she wanted; my acknowledging that our views are still not held in the mainstream and my conceding to an apology.

I applaud her for not injecting her own opinion into the students' conversation. I am a little upset that she would inquire about the relationship of my son with my one of my best friends in such a, oh what's the word...., accusatory tone. He gay, not a child molester. He's about the kindest, most wonderful man you'll likely meet. Everyone who knows his thinks so.  The only one trying to molest anyone in our relationship is me.  Too bad Hot Gay Russell still thinks vaginas have teeth.

I haven't decided if I find the whole thing insulting or ridiculous.

On that note, this story that I came across on Wizbang is a good example of why I felt the need to apologize. Not everyone shares our views. I totally respect that. And it's really not an appropriate school topic.

Unbelievable.
A thirteen year old, living in a STATE SHELTER, is being forced to have a baby.
Let's discuss why this is terrible.
1: She's 13.
2: She lives in a state shelter.
3: She doesn't want the baby.

Clearly, the state acknowledges that she can't take care of herself; otherwise, she'd be emancipated.

The state argues that "the 13 1/2-week pregnant girl — is too young and immature to make an informed medical decision". Like having a child? Isn't that a medical decision?

So why is the name of God would these people force this child to have a baby? It's not like she doesn't have adult consent (which Florida law doesn't require anyway): her case worker was going to take her to have the procedure done.

Does the State of Florida not have enough minor children to take care of? We could send them some from Denver if they need some more. Why do they want more? Do they imagine this girl will want to raise this child? And even if she does, can she? Can a 13 year old girl with no family take care of a baby? Or herself for that matter?

Abortion is not the big issue here, I don't think. The issue is that this girl is being punished for not having a mom who would step up and take her to get this done. If this was done within the confines of a family, the state would never even know about it, let alone be able to fight it. Does this child have any right to dictate her own future? Do these people not understand how hard it is for an adult to raise a baby? Who will care for these two children? Or will they both live in the shelter?

I have had it up to here with people running around protecting the rights of unborn children. Who is protecting this 13-year-old child? Who is making sure she has protected sex? Who is concerned with the rest of her life? Who wants her to finish school, go to college, and make something of herself? Evidently not the State of Florida. They just want another poverty-stricken, underparented baby born into this world.

I used to be radically pro-life, until I got pregnant way too young. My father and my boyfriend wanted me to have the baby, but I still had the abortion. I knew I couldn't raise a child at that point in my life. I hated doing it. It went against everything I (thought) I believed. Yet, it was the right choice at the time. We all knew it. My father got over it, my boyfriend is now my husband and the father of my three children. We are not bad people. Nor do we regret what happened. It's sad, but it was right.

I don't imagine a lot of "right" has been done by a 13 year-old who is living in a state shelter. I hope someone steps up and does this for her.

my poor poor heart

Ok. Now I'm freaked out. I have a congenital heart defect. I have always known this. I couldn't take P.E. as a kid and I have to take antibiotics for 2 weeks before I go to the dentist. I have always known the symptoms-2 holes, blood leaking between the chambers-but I have never known the name of the problem; they told me once but it was a really long word and I was 10 or so. Anyway, my midwife has been fairly curious about what's wrong, so I called my dad tonight. We got on to the American Heart Association's website and when he saw the name, he remembered it. I did to. It's called Atrioventricular (A'tre-o-ven-TRIK'u-ler) canal defect. It is super serious. It requires surgery in infancy or in the early teens to fix. I, of course, have never had an open heart surgery, and so I asked my dad why the hell this never got fixed. Evidently my mother didn't want to do the surgery. Evidently, she decided to see if I lived until 14, at which time the doctors said I would be in the clear.

I am in the clear. The problem is that I have a severe form of this, called insufficiency, where the blood leaks back and forth between the chambers of my heart on both sides. I have gone 30 years without being able properly explain this to a doctor, or even knowing the severity of my defect. I thought I had a totally normal little defect. Not this horrible thing. Someone should have made sure I knew. I am thoroughly annoyed.