I have to say, though, that any 17 year old who rapes an 8 year old and then buries her alive should fry fry fry.
If I could be a scientist...I would join a team of storm chasers. I'd answer all the technical questions and my big brain would give our team an edge over some of the others. I think I'd most want to chase lightening storms and tornados. We'd drive a big RV and drink too much. Maybe we'd stumble across some bit of information that ended up saving untold lives, but I wouldn't so it for that. I'd do it because storms are beautiful. And thrilling.
If I could be an architect...I'd travel the country redesigning public schools. I would take the drab, uninspiring building I find along the way and scrap them for open buildings with lots of plants and water and courtyards full of easels and grass. I think that the biggest problem with getting kids to go to school is how depressing the buildings are. Case in point: When they built my high school, they copied the blueprint of the county jail. Exactly. That just can't be conducive to learning.
If I could be a musician...I would play bass in a small local band. I would be the best of friends with all my band-mates. We would play all kinds of music. We would never hit the big time, nor would we ever play gigs. We'd just jam in my living room, where my kids could sit by our feet and listen and be inspired. My kids would fall asleep to laughter and music. Just like I did.
If I could be a llama rider...I'd get spit on. A lot.
If I could a painter...I would paint nothing but self-portraits. At first people would think I was completely wacko, and then they would wonder why the hell I didn't paint something else, and eventually I would be deemed a genius. Ahead of my time. I should clarify, they would not be portraity portraits. They would all be slightly askew, over-accentuating some random part of myself. For example, in one my fingers would be too large. Maybe one would only be in shades of blue. Perhaps I'd paint a jigsaw puzzle of my t-zone and then slice up the canvas so you could actually put it together. I could sell it to strangers in small boxes for $5.99 and soon my art would be in every living room in Denver soon.
I think I might get on that last one.
My friend Sam has just launched a line of maternity clothes called Bloom Maternity. So far she just has tops, but I have to say I am in love with them. I have 2 and wear them everywhere. They work just as well after the kiddo is born as they do during pregnancy. Here's her website. She was expecting to get a full review in the Denver Post, but only got a little blurb after this article. Her disappointment has been laid to rest since she has begun received massive interest from companies nation-wide who want to carry her line. All from a blurb. Go, Sam!
My buddy Chris, computer geek by day, rock star by night, (and much sexier than Kip Dynamite) plays the upright bass in a damn good local Denver rockabilly band. I have been surprised by how little I hear about them around town. They're great, and I wish more people here knew it. Westword magazine is doing there annual vote-for-the-best-band contest, and though his band wasn't in the list of nominations, it did get a nice little review. I love stumbling across that stuff in the paper.