That'll Teach Me

Do you know what happens when you forget yourself for a second and write a really angry, seething sort of post on your blog?  Do you know what happens when you then re-think that vitriol laden post and re-work it into something deep and introspective?  Do you know what happens when you re-evaluate that post and get yourself stuck in a place where you can no longer find any words to say what should be something as simple as "What the fuck, yo?"

You walk away from the computer, go upstairs, and realize that your children have hidden pumpkins in their bedroom well past their expiration dates, and you also discover, upon picking them up, that one of those pumpkins thought it would be loads of fun to rot from the bottom up, that's what.

Please, Bitch.

My kid hates her Halloween costume.  Oh, the joys of having a house full of boys and only one little girl.  She'd much rather be a totally awesome cowboy.



She'd even rather being a pirate.  (This is a pirate, and if you even dare try to tell her it's not, she'll let you have it.



You know what's also awesome about having a house full of big boys and only one little girl?  You let that one little girl have all kinds of things you'd never dream of letting the first two have.  Things like candy.  So when you then try to dress her up in some stupid, tuled out costume, put a bunch of crap on her face, and tell her she's got to go outside in the cold and work for her candy?  Well, she'll have a few choice words for you.



Or maybe just one carefully chosen word.  Bygones.  Turns out, my kid isn't so very impressed with the whole "trick or treat" thing.  Which sucks because god damn was she ever cute.



But she wasn't having it.  We even tried the Buddy system, but that didn't work out so well.  (I think she knew she'd gotten out-cuted.)



She went to three whole doors before she was all, "Maaawm, I am sooo over this."



Good thing my other children have brains.  Well, one of them does, but he's probably frying it.



And one of them just wants to eat them.  Om nom nom.  (I'm totally submitting this for Best Photograph to Blurb's Halloween Picture Contest that's going on at Parent Blogger's Network.  Just saying.)



Tell me that's not better than Criss Angel.  Go on, I dare you. Not bad for, like, $5.99 in makeup, and some old shirt I hated anyway, huh?

1of3 reallyreallyreally wanted to be a pantomime, and when his father about whacked me in the head for even suggesting it, it was up to me to come up with something less totally nerdtastic, and fast.  Well, hell; give me some earrings and a little Manic Panic, and I can hook you right up.  Enter the punk rocker.



How much do you want to bet that in about 6 years, I'll be posting a really similar picture, only it won't be for Halloween?  That is, of course, provided they have any teeth left.  Anyone know a good dentist?



See all of Lotus' Weekly Winners right here.